(Un)Sleeping Beauty

While I want this blog to be, a positive thing, I have to acknowledge the bad times. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be doing myself justice, nor would I be helping myself. I want to celebrate the good times without ignoring the bad. Khalil Gibran said:

 When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

So here goes, this lil sleeping beauty right here (when she FINALLY got to sleep at 3am) slept for over 10 hours last night, what??? I hear you say in your head.. yep and get this… I woke up STILL utterly exhausted. Fantastic, not. I’m on sleeping tablets at the moment due to insomnia.. Again ‘what, but you’re always tired??’ I hear you mutter. Well, it’s a side effect of M.E, how damn cruel is that. So anyway, I woke up at 1.30pm and dragged myself out of bed after my dogs jumped all over me to say good morning, well that’s what I tell myself, really it’s ‘we’re hungry’ and ‘we need a wee’ but we’ll stick to its good morning.

I haven’t showered today, but I did my makeup and got dressed… as in I put on actual jeans instead of sticking on a pair of sweat pants like normal. I decided my hair was fine as it was, it reminded me of Clementines hair from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. . Second Gold star of the day for me! The first was for making beans on toast. I guess my third gold star is for walking the dogs, I never really acknowledge this as a ‘accomplishment ‘ as it’s just something I HAVE to do, for them. However, it is an accomplishment and a big one, for anyone who has M.E will know, the smallest bit of exercise can be detrimental, and yet every day even if i do nothing else – my dogs will get walked.

I then, begrudgingly went to town. I’ve had some items to return/exchange for a few weeks and haven’t been well enough to make the journey. I wasn’t well enough to today to be honest, but I knew I needed to go before time ran out and I was stuck with items I didn’t want. I immediately regretted this decision when, 5 minutes into the bus journey I started to get a headache. I made the journey though and managed to return the items and buy a few goodies to cheer myself up, including cookies and a carpet cleaner.. Isn’t being an adult fun! So my fourth and fifth gold stars are for the bus journeys and the sixth gold star is for walking around the shops, because boy did my legs and feet start to hurt very quickly. They were numb the entire bus journey home – I opted to get a taxi up the hill to my house, especially as I still had to nip into the supermarket.

I’m now currently sat on my sofa, with one dog asleep across my belly and the other curled up at my side – counting my blessings and my issues!!

Here’s hoping for a better night, 1love Chloe

Finding the Magic in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

Having suffered with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis for all of my teenage years and still suffering half way through my twenties, with seemingly no end in sight I am embarking on a mission of sorts.

This mission, is to discover all the things ‘magical’ in my life.

As many people with any Chronic Illness will tell you, it is very easy to get caught up and focus only on all the bad things, especially when it’s gone on for so long. It doesn’t mean we don’t acknowledge the good things going on in our lives, it’s more that the good things take a backseat due to being overshadowed by the pain or because we haven’t showered in a week (or longer!), maybe we had a breakdown when we burnt our dinner after forgetting to set a timer.

I do not intend to ignore the bad things, they are very real and need to be talked about – if only for my own insanity – however I do not plan on dwelling on them. Instead for each ‘bad thing’ that happens in my day, I intend to also find one good thing. I will celebrate the small achievements I make throughout the day and give myself big fat gold stars and a pat on the back.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I’ve had my notifications turned off all day, and ignored all messages – purely out of self-care, it is exhausting having conversations sometimes and I need a time out every now and then. However, I walked my dogs, I cooked eggs and beans for breakfast and I had a shower, even though I put comfies on as soon as i got out, I am feeling happy and content – if not utterly exhausted.

1Love, Chloe.

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis – Pain of the muscles and Inflammation of the brain and spinal cord Aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Comfies = pyjamas/loungewear